


The Supermarket Was Not Easy

by Born In Captivity- Ineligible to Release (Jashasedai)



Series: Alternate Universe - Tame Racing Drivers [45]
Category: Formula 1 RPF, MotoGP RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tame Racing Drivers, Doubles of Every Character, Grocery Shopping
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-09-25 17:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17125529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jashasedai/pseuds/Born%20In%20Captivity-%20Ineligible%20to%20Release
Summary: After the Grand Tour Broadcast frees the Racing Drivers, they begin to adapt to human society.Something as simple as grocery shopping can present interesting challenges, when it is the first time you've ever been in a store.Every chapter is a different Racing Driver going grocery shopping, most for the first time without a human to help them.  Characters are listed in the chapter titles.





	1. Nico Hulkenberg's Racing Driver- Hulkie

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the Tame Racing Drivers AU. Read the series summary.
> 
> The basics are these- All professional racing drivers and riders have double who do the actual racing. The doubles are kept in stables as livestock until it is time to race. They are telepathic and form a telepathic bond with the human who shares their name.

**Old**

**Grocery store near Nico Hulkenberg’s house in Monaco- 2017**

 

The store was busy today.

He wanted to take his time and do a good job shopping.  Checo had told him about his shopping trip the week before, and teased him that he hadn’t gone shopping, yet.

He was determined.  If little Checo could do it, Hulkie could do it.

People seemed to move out of the way when he came through.  He smiled nicely at a tiny, crinkly lady human in a black dress.  She had the prettiest hair, silver, like a Mercedes. He leaned closer to see it. 

Alondra had stopped dying his hair, and Hulkie had never realized how light it was, before.  He had been thinking a lot about hair colors.

He wanted to see if this human used color in her hair, or if it was just light naturally, like Lief and Jaamies.

He forgot how big he looked to most humans.

She looked up at him in surprise and turned and walked away in a great hurry, but not moving very quickly.

Nico had said he should help people if they seemed like they were struggling, but it was clear he had made her nervous.  He chose the [I apologize,] gesture on his translator app and the phone said the words in Nico’s language. The lady didn’t respond.  Maybe she spoke one of the other humans languages. He didn’t know how to tell which one.

He would remember about the silver hair, though.

Very pretty.

He imagined what he would look like with fancy silver hair.

Then he imagined what Checo would look like with silver hair, and his darker skin and freckles.  Checo would be what humans called handsome, he thought. He was nice looking, but still looked a little like a colt.  When he looked more like a stallion, he would get a lot of pictures taken of him.

Photographers liked handsome.

He walked through the vegetable section.  Nico always went straight to certain areas, but suddenly, Hulkie saw a word he recognized.  It was a word he had learned when Checo had been cooking when he visited. It was part of the cooking instructions for the yummiest food ever.

Avacado.

Most of the fruits were MUCH too old to even consider buying.  They were so dark green they were turning black.

Gross.

Why didn’t the humans at the store throw them away?  Someone was going to get sick. You could get sick from eating rotten food.

He chose the brightest, greenest ones, and put them in a bag.  He would still wash them off very well to make sure there was no rot from the black ones on them.

He checked his shopping trolley to make sure he had everything he had decided to buy, and also the delicious avocados.  It seemed good. He steered his trolley carefully towards the pay stand.


	2. Sergio Perez's Racing Driver- Checo

**Educating**

**Grocery store near Sergio Perez’s house in Monaco- 2017**

**One Week Earlier**

 

Checo was in a hurry.  It seemed like everyone wanted to stand in the dairy aisle today.  There were two humans talking, with their shopping carts WAY out away from the edge, so they were in the way.  There was a human walking back and forth looking at…the eggs…

He looked away from that.  They weren’t really birds. They hadn’t ever been going to be birds.  They were just food in their own case.

There were two little humans, children, maybe teenagers, looking at the yogurt, and some littler humans, definitely children, so excited about their favorite flavors that they were climbing up the shelving to reach.

That wasn’t safe.

He had just spent the winter working with little Racing Drivers and he acted without thinking.  He stepped over and picked them off the shelving, setting them on the floor. [This one?] He gestured.  The pointing was clear enough for even a child to understand, and the children nodded. He fetched down one container of yogurt for each of them.

[Checo,] The littler one gestured.

[Hello,] Gestured the bigger one.

He was shocked.  They were both certainly human, no Stig about them at all.

The bigger child touched the littler child, who also gestured, [Hello,] but messily.

[Hello.]

How did they know how to talk to him??

He stared at them, baffled, and then looked at the older humans to see if they had anything to say.

They both had their phones out and were filming him.

[Where is Sergio?] One of the children asked.

It didn’t occur to him to deny a human asking him a direct question the information he had been asked for.  [He is at home. How do you know who I am?]

The children looked at each other.

[Stig Storytime!] They gestured, together.

Oh.

He knew some humans had seen it, but he never realized they would know who he was because of it.  He had never been recognized for anything other than Formula 1, before.

[You like it?]

[Very GOOD.  Stories are yes?]  The child answered.

He thought that was asking if the stories were real.  Their gestures were all based on the limited vocabulary of the show, greetings and his name and a few phrases.  He figured out which gestures they might have learned, and there weren’t really enough to have a full conversation.  He would remember to tell Chris about this, next year during the filming.

For now, he dug out his phone.  He pressed, [I don’t understand, say the words again.] And for the first time, showed someone the result as the series of gestures appeared, in response to the words they had spoken.

They had been asking if the stories were real.  He let them watch as he chose his answer, [The stories are things than can happen that little Stigs, and little humans might want to know.]  Then pressed the icon that translated the gestures into words.

One of the older humans knelt down and asked him about the app.  He showed the young human, he thought it was a woman but he wasn’t sure, and it didn’t really matter, how to download the app, and how to set it up for a human to talk to Stigs, instead of the other way around.

[Thank you for showing my children,] She said.  [Thank you for showing Stig children, also.]

She gestured, [Thank you,] for herself, and so did the other older human with her, and the children.

[You are welcome.]  He stood up and realized they had drawn a crowd.  He backed against the shelving. He hadn’t heard or felt any of them approaching, and now there was no way for him to get past without touching someone.

[Stigs don’t feel comfortable when humans touch them,] Said the littler child, accompanying the commonly repeated reminder from the show with a noise in her own language.  [Excuse me, please. I need to get by.] She said this to the nearest humans, and they scooted out of the way. She waved Checo forward, and made noises again. Some more people cleared out of the way and he walked through without bumping anyone. 

He turned to say thank you again, but the crowd had closed in.  They were all watching him, and that was awkward, so he picked up the carton of milk Sergio had asked him to pick up and went out of the aisle.

He had been in a hurry when he came in.

Now he was REALLY late.


	3. Alexander Rossi's Racing Driver- Xerxes

**Xerxes**

  
  


He would hurry.  It would be fine.

He just needed a drink.  

A feather drifted past him and he waved it away with his hand.

A water bottle.  Those seemed to be always by the front of stores, from what little he remembered.

He felt a breeze as if of tiny wings.

He headed for the doors.  The flock of birds flew up around him like disturbed pigeons.  These ones were silver grey. He could feel them fluttering against his face as they bumped into him in their hurry.  He couldn’t see anything but feathers for awhile, or hear anything but wings flapping.

He broke out of the flock, and found himself walking down an aisle displaying decorative plates.  He got his phone and sent a message to Alexander, and walked to the end of the aisle to take a picture of the check stand.  That was when he realized he was pushing a shopping trolley.

It was full of bags.

He had already bought things.  Was he on his way out when he got lost?

He sent Alexander the picture and his man would know what to do.  What this meant. Again.

Well it was alright.  He just needed to wait for Alexander to come and get him.

There was another Stig here.  He could feel it. He looked around.  Maybe he had already messaged and someone was coming to pick him up?

It was Freeza’s mind.  She turned down an aisle and walked over to him, as unconcerned as ever.  [Are you ready?] She asked.

[Ready for what?]

[To buy a present,] She answered, taking his hand. [I am glad you chose this gift store.  There are lots of beautiful things.] She had longer hair than he remembered, and she was carrying a bag, from which she pulled a bottle of water and took a drink.  [Want some water?]

He felt thirsty, and took a drink, consuming all of the water left in the bottle.  She didn’t comment, but she had another bottle ready and he drank some of that, too.  It seemed like she expected him to be so thirsty. He was always thirsty when he came out of a flock of birds.  She looked like she could use some water. Her skin didn’t fit right, she had little wrinkles around her eyes and mouth, like she’d smiled big and her skin had forgotten to go back.

[Why are we shopping for presents?] He asked.

[One of my friends is getting married this weekend,] She said, slowly, then asked, even more slowly, [Do you remember Scarlet Ivy?]

The name sounded familiar.  [Maybe? I think I’d remember meeting someone with the same name as your son.]

[Probably,] She agreed.

[Is he marrying someone nice?]

[Oh, yes, a nice mare who drives Rally.]

They walked around the store and finally picked a glass sculpture.  [Will the wedding interrupt the racing season?] He asked. [Our team can’t afford to get behind in the points.]  He paused, [We are on Andretti together, still?]

She didn’t look in any shape to be driving.  Her muscle tone was lackluster. It was hard to tell how she looked with all the feathers that were drifting through the air in this store.

Freeza nodded noncommittally.

[It’s just that, I seem to remember retiring?]

[Do you think we should stop at the bakery for cookies on the way back to your house?]  A bird flapped by her, a beautiful white songbird. It landed somewhere out of sight and started singing.  He listened to the beautiful sound.

[Yes, Freeza, that sounds nice.]  More birds flapped past, too many to see and soon the air was alive with wonderful music.  


	4. Mark Webber's Racing Driver- Rabbit

**Rabbit**

**Store Near Mark Webber’s House- 2017**

  
  


He liked being with Mark the best.  So it was quite awhile before They were apart long enough enough to require Rabbit to go for shopping by himself.

He drove carefully down to the shop Mark liked.  Stigs had, by and large, overcome their collective fear of road driving and were widely acknowledged as some of the safest, most polite people on the roads.

This was largely to do with the speaking app.

Humans couldn't tell what Stigs were GESTURING.

They needed ingredients for paella.  The man at the fish counter knew Rabbit and Mark and could tell Rabbit was the blue wearing one.  He had asked Mark to show him Rabbit’s name sign, and waved in the human hello gesture. Rabbit had carefully compiled the gesture list on his phone app.  He pressed the icons, one item at a time, coupled with the please symbol for politeness.

The man stopped after Rabbit pressed crab.  He leaned forward over the counter and said something.

The app didn’t translate it.

Rabbit held the phone closer to the man and the man made a noise.  The app still didn't translate it.

Oh no.  Rabbit looked at the two piles of fish the man had already made for him, wrapped nicely in paper.

What was he going to do if the app wasn't working.  He reached out tentatively for the two fish the man had already done.  He’d better just cut his losses.

The man didn’t stop him from taking them, but said something, more loudly.

Rabbit cringed back.  He left the fish where it was and walked away.  He was NOT allowed to take things humans hadn’t given him.  One of the Formula E Stigs had walked out of a store with something he’d misunderstood, thought he had paid for, and had been incarcerated by the police.

Now he had a reputation as a bad boy.

Rabbit steeled himself.

He was NOT bad.  He had not done anything wrong.  There was nothing to be afraid of.

He went back to the counter and tapped, [I don’t understand what you mean,] into the phone.

The man held up a finger and went through a door into another room.  He came back with another, shorter man in a white apron with blood spatters.  Rabbit’s nose wrinkled at the smell. The young man wiped his hands on a towel, watching closely, while the fish counter man spoke to him.

Then the young man spoke to Rabbit.

The phone beeped and said, [He wants to know if you want real crab or fake crab.  They are both , meat but one tastes of crab, only.]

Oh.

Rabbit burst into a huge smile.  That was all, the man just wondered what type.  He laughed. [Real crab, please.]

This wouldn’t be so bad.

He carried on giving the man the list.  Sometimes the younger man would speak into the phone for the older man.

When the pile of fish was done, the man loaded them into a basket for Rabbit, giving him a big smile.  He said one more thing to the younger man, who nodded in agreement and repeated it for the app.

[Don’t let any man chase you off, Rabbit.  You have just as much right to be here as ANYONE.]


	5. Valterri Bottas' Racing Driver- Pauli

**Pauli for Eknomind**

**Grocery Store in Finland- 2017**

 

There was a store on the way home from the track with a picture of a bag of food.  Pauli rested his forearms on the steering wheel and looked up at the sign, checking for an indication it might not mean what it said.  Sometimes that happened. Humans were going in empty handed and leaving with bags of food, though.

Valtteri had opened the bread box this morning to discover no bread.  Valtteri should have bread. Humans liked to eat bread.

He got out of the car and locked the door behind him.  He adjusted his leather jacket so the collar was protecting his neck better from the cold Homeland winter.  He went into the store, checking the stickers beside the window to make sure the picture for his pay card was here.

To the left hand side was the plant type foods.  He saw the big picture of a bread farther back in that corner.  He went to look at the racks of bread. Valtteri liked the blue and yellow package.  He didn’t see it, here.

He looked from side to side.  Humans could be unfriendly when Racing Drivers did things most humans did not do.  He didn't see anyone. He leaned down and sniffed a bread that looked similar to Valtteri’s kind.  He moved over and sniffed another bag. Then another. This one smelled almost right.

He heard footsteps behind him.

Then he felt the presence of another Racing Driver.

Oh no.

He turned around.

He hadn't seen much of him since he retired.  Now the White was standing behind him, arms crossed, not in the pose, but in that teasing pose he’d picked up somewhere.

The White shook his head.  He still wore those sunglasses and hat all the time, like pieces of a helmet.

He was less intimidating since Pauli had earned his own Championship.

Jaamies came over to him and held out his hand.  It had a phone in it.

'Take it, little brother, I’ll show you what to do.’  His voice was softer, more relaxed now, than he had ever seemed, when he was cold and distracted at the tracks.  He seemed friendly. More like Kimi.

He took the phone.

Jaamies showed him to choose gestures to make the phone make noises.  How was this going to help?

Jaamies waved at a young human woman in a green apron.

[What are you looking for?] He asked Pauli.

[Bread in blue and yellow.  It’s dark inside, it’s chewy.]

Jaamies chose the gestures on the phone that matched this description, and also chose the gesture for similar.  He pushed the big silver SAY icon. The phone made noise.

The woman nodded.  She made a noise back.

Pauli was startled when the phone beeped and lit up with a picture of a Racing Driver gesturing, [Sweet bread or not?]

[Sweet, please,] He watched Jaamies choose the gestures, seeing the pattern used to hide the different types of gestures on the screen.

When the phone spoke again, the woman nodded and pulled a bread off the shelf.  [This should be similar,] The phone said. 

Pauli smelled it.  It was just right!

He thanked the woman.

[It’s nice to see you,] Jaamies said. [Do you have a phone? I can show you how to get this…] He gestured something and sent, ‘Picture tool.’

Pauli watched Jaamies put the tool on Pauli’s phone.

[You will figure it out easily.  You’re very smart.]

He turned to walk away, and then walked back.

He hugged Pauli.

It wasn't a long hug.

He stepped away.  [I never said thank you.]

[For what?]

Jaamies took a step back.  [For Kimi’s life.] He nodded once.  Then he did turn.

Pauli stood frozen for a moment, then revved hard to get Jaamies attention.

When the White turned around, Pauli gestured, [Of course...my friend.]

Jaamies SMILED.

He nodded at Pauli again. [Friend.] He did turn, then.

Pauli took his pay card and the bread to the pay station.  He couldn't stop smiling. Grocery shopping was easy, and fun, and a great way to make new friends.


	6. Kimi Raikkonen's Racing Driver- Jaamies

**Jaamies**

**Grocery Store in Finland- 2017**

  
  


He took a picture of the page posted on the board outside of the grocery store.  [What does this mean? This says if I bring a picture of the cans it will cost less?]

[You must bring THAT picture, with the numbers.  Sometimes they will have one at the store to use,] Came back Gautier’s text.  [Do a search online.]

Jaamies picked up a page from the stack beneath the board.  He searched online, and found a picture from the company that made the soup that would let him have an extra can of soup for every 3 he bought.  If he added that to the money he could save with this picture, he could buy 10 cans of soup and get 3 free. 

Then he found a picture that would let him have a portion of his whole shopping removed from the price.  He found a picture for a sample can of corn. He found a picture for bread if he bought a new kind of packaged sandwich meat.

He did some math in his head.  Math had been an effort to learn, but was proving worthwhile now.

When the lady at the counter asked for his pay card at the end of his shopping, he had a whole cart full of groceries.  Granted, some of the things were things his family did not want to eat, and he’d bought a LOT of soup, but between Kimi’s extended family and Jaamies’ friends and family, and the bond pairs that visited Kimi’s for consultations, and the Northern Stigs weekender hockey team, and all the children and foals who were constantly visiting, these things would all be eaten.

It only cost as much as three liters of petrol for the Alfa Romeo.

Too bad he was new at this, he was sure he could do much better the next time.

He still wasn't sure why they had given him the free bucket…


	7. Jenson Button's Racing Driver- Sugarboy

**Sugarboy for Theianitor**

**Oxford, UK- 2018**

  
  


The sun was out.  He had 2 hours before his next class.  He looked at the beautifully crafted watch Prince had given him.  He’d regularly worn a watch when posing as Jens, and Jens had tried to explain that it could tell him WHEN things would happen, but they had never been able to establish why.

Prince’s sponsorship had come through a company that made watches, and she explained that everytime it made a click noise, a perfectly measured second had passed, and the little hand on the front moved one little space for each.  She explained the division of the day into the spaces. It was very ingenious. He loved it.

He could understand time.  The numbers on Jens’s watch were unnecessary on Sugarboy’s.  He knew by feel what two hours, or the length of one race felt like.

He decided to walk to the little store on campus.  He got out his phone and sent a message to his sister.  Jens’ sister, really, but the whole family had accepted him as if he were a sudden long lost extra Jens.  Which he was.

She was bringing by dinner tonight.  He hoped she wanted to talk about the new show they were watching.  He would get her something at the store, too.

He walked in and tried to decide.  He wanted some orange juice, and some cake for after dinner.

He smiled a beautiful, kind smile at the girl behind the counter.  He had his phone tell her that he wanted orange juice and chocolate cake.  She made an unhappy face at him, like he was troubling her. He made the phone tell her he thought the rings in her nose and eyebrows made her look VERY brave.  He showed her his tattoos and her eyes lit up. She showed him a tattoo she had under the long sleeve she was wearing on one side.

It was in COLOR!! Color tattoos hurt MUCH more than black tattoos.  He was very impressed.

[You look like some old boring man,] the app translated for her, [But you have a cool young man heart.] It was not a direct translation.

She gave him his bag, it was smaller than he’d expected.  He walked back up the hill and put it in the car. He had a lecture next and then he was going to go home.

Jens’ mind touched his as he drew close to the house, and he sent happy feelings to make Jens feel better.  The man was in the bed when he came in, lights low and surrounded by tissues.

[I went grocery shopping today,] Sugarboy said, bringing Jens a nice hot cuppa from the waiting kettle.  He set the bag down on the bed and sat beside him.

Jens looked at the bag, opened it slowly and looked inside.  He pulled out the carton of orange juice and the box of cake.

Sugarboy was disappointed with the amount of cake.

[Grocery shopping?] Jens asked.

Sugarboy nodded, proudly.

[You’re so thoughtful, darling.  Thank you so much.] Jens put the shopping back in the bag with the distinct Golden Arches of McDonalds and hugged Sugarboy.


	8. Jorge Lorenzo's Racing Rider- Red X

**Red X**

**Grocery Store in Italy**

  
  


Ratchet nudged Rasoio in the ribs.  He frowned, and his fingers clutched tighter over the plastic square before letting go, but he handed it over.  Ratchet nudged him again and he grunted angrily, scowled, opened his phone and touched something onto the screen.

X’s phone beeped.  A picture of Rasoio’s helmet flashed on the screen, surrounded by a yellow background.  X accepted the message Rasoio’s phone had...sent...with some sort of signal that was not REAL sending.  He nodded solemnly, and Ratchet nodded, and after a moment, Rasoio nodded as well.

They watched him get out of the car and walk into the grocery store.

This was going to be easy, he’d done this before, lots of times with Jorge.  He had BEEN lead stallion of Ferrari for a year, after all.

Of course he hadn’t bought groceries without a human to translate.  To do...almost all the talking, actually. At Ferrari Jorge just called a store somewhere else and they just SENT food, anyway.  It came in trucks and they brought it to the loading bay like they were unloading Racing Drivers. Then the kitchen workers packed it all away.

At the WMC there were no kitchen workers, the Riders did things themselves, and X and Jorge had taken their turns working in the kitchen.  They had taken their turns working on the paperwork, too, when Rasoio had been sick after...after poor Sicuro.

Still, Jorge had been the one to do the biggest part of all the work, and all the phone calls.

This wasn’t going to be like regular grocery shopping, anyway.  The food for the WMC came by truck but this store arranged for it, and Rasoio and Ratchet told him it was important for them to know who they were working with.  Like he knew the members of his racing team, he needed to know the members of his stable’s support team. Jorge was part of him, but Jorge was not the lead stallion.

X was the World Motorcycle Center’s lead stallion, now.

His herd needed food, and unlike the leaders of the Wild Stigs on the Ice, he didn’t have to arrange them to hunt dangerous animals.

He had to meet with unknown humans.

He realized his teeth were chattering.

He breathed himself calm.

He walked to the desk at the side of the store, where a woman waited to help people with questions and problems, and sell them small packages of batteries.  He put his phone on the desk, while she watched him, and touched, [Speak.]

The phone made the noises he had pre-selected, meanwhile the gestures on the screen said, [I would like, please, to meet with the leader of the depot, to speak about food to be brought to my herd.  I am X,] The phone made an extra noise for the new part of his name, Lorenzo, but his name sign hadn’t changed, [Thank you for assisting me.]

In only a moment a woman came out of the door behind the desk.  She had a broad mouth, opened wide showing teeth. He didn’t think she was angry, but the intensity of the smile made him thing she might be going to head butt him.  X smiled gently back at her, as was appropriate for a new acquaintance.

She didn’t offer to shake his hand, but waved, [Attention, please,] as was the human way of greeting from a distance.

She had, of course, dealt with Rasoio before.

She invited him into her office.  X noticed that it was busy with paper, but the papers were not scattered and piled, like when Ratchet and Ricky had to do paperwork.  They were in neat lines and stacks and trays.

That would appeal to Rasoio.  X found it comforting. He liked to keep his little office, in the medical wing or in the stable offices, neat and tidy.


	9. OC's- Mercedes and McLaren's lead mares

**Wicked and White Fawn (Mercedes and McLaren lead mares)**

**Grocery store in Britain- 2018**

  
  


Wicked had finally found some boots which clicked in an intimidating way when she walked, like those stiletto heels all the really powerful women wore.  Boots with nice flat soles. No one looked intimidating wobbling and waving their hands to keep their balance.

Camber, White Fawn as the humans called her, followed her step for step, her orange walking shoes working hard to keep up as Wicked swept through the parking lot.  Camber grabbed a shopping kart that was sitting on a stripped space and jogged to catch up.

Wicked braked from full stride to a dead stop just inside the doors to inspect the list of sale items.

Camber crashed into her.

Mercedes’ lead mare revved angrily at her and brushed at her green skirt and her sore leg.

[I am sorry,] The shorter mare apologized.  [You braked in the middle of the straight,] She added, with a hint of a chide.

[I apologize,] Wicked smoothed her skirt again.

Camber stood beside her and examined the sale.

‘Canned carrots,’ She sent.

‘Something fresh, we need something fresh.’  Wicked frowned at the indecipherable pictures.

‘Radishes,’ Camber said.

‘Are radishes red spicy potatoes?’  Wicked didn’t cook much.

‘Yes.’

‘Green beans?’ She pointed to a picture she thought she recognized.

‘They are not a good deal.’

She could tell Wicked wanted them.

‘Less expensive than most days?’  She asked. [Not that I care if we cannot have them,] She straightened her skirt again.

‘Green beans,’ Camber agreed.

In an instant they were moving again.  Wicked clicked through the store, head high in her tailored suit, and Camber trundling along with the kart, straight to the edible plant section.  She plucked green beans into a bag and pinched a bunch of radishes. She accepted the news that lettuce would be full price.

They had attracted attention.  A matchable age human in a clean apron approached them.  They had spoken with him before. They liked him.

Wicked stepped into his space and stared at his eyes while she gestured.

[We will take 1 crate of your radishes and 1 crate of your green beans.  We will take lettuce.] She glared at him and his sharp throat rose and fell.  [2 crates.]

[And 2 crates of canned carrots,] Camber added.

Wicked’s shoulders went loose like she’d crashed a kart.  Only enough Camber would notice, the human never would. He didn’t take his eyes off of the tall blonde mare.

[You will apprise us of sales on lettuce in the future,] She told him, leaning farther over him.

He nodded frantically.  His hands were tightening over and over on his clipboard.

Wicked gave a curt nod, [Do as you are told, little one.]

She turned and clicked away.  This time Camber made no effort to hurry after her.

The young man was watching her go.  The back of his neck was red. Camber finished typing the list into her phone.

He turned and smiled when he saw her.  “Good afternoon, Miss McLaren,” He said.  “Miss Mercedes is in a fine spirit today.”  He took her phone as she offered it and quickly wrote down the words for the order on his clipboard.  He handed her phone back and held the board in both hands, squeezing and releasing the edges.

[She likes you,] Camber put her phone in her leather bag.

“She certainly is sharp.”  He rocked onto his toes and back to his heels.

[She trusts you to be efficient and do your job without having it explained to you, that is…] He was looking at her with big eyes, [...It is a big respect.]

“You are not sharp to me, don’t you like me?” He was young enough his voice was plaintive, as though their good opinions mattered to him.

[I think teaching is a kindness,] She said.  She smiled to show him she did think warmly of him.  Young males were so eager for indulgence. [We will be back again next week,] She told him, taking a few steps with the kart before turning.  [Have you ever been to the Station?] She asked.

He shook his head.

[Do you like driving?] She asked.

He nodded.

[We will have you out sometime, to see where your hard work goes, and see the track.  If your manager will allow it. We like your work.]

He nodded again.  [Thank you.]

She smiled again.

Wicked had the car standing at an idle in front of the store when Camber came out.  She was watching the humans flow around the SUV like water around a rock, smiling and lifting a hand off the wheel when one of them seemed vexed about her disrupting the foot traffic.

Foot traffic- the most human of concepts.

[Did he say yes?] Wicked asked.

[He agreed that we might invite him to see Stig Station.] Camber climbed into the passenger seat with the bag of green beans and bunch of radishes she’d been obliged to buy.

Wicked put the car in gear and rolled slowly through the parking lot.  ‘You didn’t ask him to work for us?’

‘No.’

‘Why not?’

‘Rabbit said if we were going to steal workers from our resources and wish for them to keep supplying us, we must be gentle.  They do not understand these things.’

‘He will be happier when we have taken him.  The store is not capable of fulfilling all his potential.’

Camber shrugged.  ‘Still, they feel he is theirs, and they  _ will _ have to find someone else to do his work when he has come to live with us.’

‘I do not like them thinking he is theirs.  He is ours. No one owns him.’ She pulled into the street and accelerated up to following distance.

After a moment she asked, ‘Did he smell like vanilla today?’

‘Yes, he did, and he was blushing when he was looking at you.’

‘I noticed the way he was holding the clipboard.’

‘I almost wonder if you and I could keep him.’ Camber leaned back in her seat.

Wicked’s hand brushed the back of her match and mate’s hand.  ‘Are you worried you will be left unfulfilled? Have I ever allowed you to sleep unfulfilled?’

Camber smirked, ‘There was the night of that rainstorm.’

Wicked pulled her hand back and set it firmly on the wheel.  ‘I told you, I had to go because the window in my stall broke.  There was a tree branch and it was letting water in.’

Camber chuckled at the comfortable old argument.

‘I know what you have told me.  I just think it’s odd you had to close your connections after you finished and left.  Almost like you went to sleep.’

Wicked turned red and huffed.  She waved a nasty gesture at a human who changed lanes too closely in front of them.  ‘That’s ridiculous,’ She put her nose up, but looked over and caught Camber’s knowing smile.

‘Well, maybe once.  In a rainstorm. When I was very tired.’


	10. Andre Lotterer's Racing Driver- Merlin

**History**

**Grocery store near Goodwood- 2018**

  
  


[These clothes make us MUCH more handsome than our usual clothes.] Merlin looked in a big plate window and gasped a little at their reflections.  Side by side in suits that a man had measured them for and then made to fit. Merlin in a grey cloth that was a little rough and wooly on his fingers, and Andre in a brown too yellow to be considered baby-ish.  The clothes made them look very slim and neat.

Humans made good things.

In the reflection, he could see the things in his own body language that announced he was a Champion.  Anyone who understood could see that he was a Grey. That he was dedicated, brave, a leader and a problem solver.

Andre beside him, matching nearly perfectly, so Merlin had been told, and mentally and emotionally attentive, like the best of matches should be.

He warmed himself on the glow of pride.

Then he put it away.  They were here to work, not to preen.

But first, lunch.

They walked back to the car where they were keeping their things.  Andre opened the cooler. There was a weird smell.

Andre felt a flash of disappointment.  Merlin looked over his shoulder. The Tupperware of tuna salad was sitting at the bottom of the cooler, with some bottles of mineral water.

[What is wrong?] Merlin asked.

[I meant to stop and get ice.  The salad has gone bad.]

There was another Tupperware of cut vegetables, but the dip for those had gone bad, too.

[We can eat vegetables with no dip,] Merlin said.

[I’m not going to do that to you, you have to drive.  You need food.]

Merlin grinned, he pinched his hands together and then waved them, even though Andre’s attention was still on him.  [I will go to the food store.]

[Yeah, we will have to.] Andre sighed.

[No.  I will go.  Only me. I will provide lunch.]

Andre gauged his expression.  [Alright. You have your pay card?]

Merlin checked his wallet to be sure, and it was there.  His library card, his IDs, his photography guild membership card, his pay card and his emergency money, that he was only supposed to use if the pay card would not work.

He pulled the keys out of his pocket and lined them up on the ring.  [I will come back with food,] He said.

[See you when you get back.]  Andre took the containers of ruined food out of the cooler and went to look for a trash can to dump them.

Merlin got in the car and drove down to the grocery store where they’d stopped the night before.

He went inside and walked to the meat section.  They didn’t have a kitchen, so they couldn’t cook anything.  He walked to the aisle where there were canned meats. Goodwood was an English speaking country, so the packages on the shelves had words he could read.

Humans were too complicated.

Too many ways of speaking, too many sounds, too many pictures, all to say the same things Racing Drivers could say with a few gestures and pictures.

Racing Drivers understood each other.

Humans did not.

They understood things about the world around them, though.  The makeup of things, the way things moved, how to put things together.

Humans understood things.

But not each other.

He wondered which was most important.

He picked up a can with the word Tuna on it.  He looked at the back and concentrated. Jev had been helping him understand what the words meant.  Andre had taught him how to understand the labels on food. He knew that the better quality foods would be on higher shelves, and have more complicated pictures.  More complicated pictures meant the packages were also harder to understand.

He was learning how  _ things _ worked.  That would give him an advantage over humans.

It would make his life easier.

Like learning to read.

He chose two cans of tuna with the healthiest ingredients.

He bought a tub of hummus for dip.

He paid with his pay card, and smiled at the human girl who was the clerk.  He took his hat off and nodded to her. She smiled back.

He went outside to the car.

The clock said 13:05.  Past the time he would have been allowed to eat lunch, when he had lived at the stable.  That rule did not apply to him anymore. He could make his own decisions, and do things when they were best for him.

Maybe humans could learn, to do what was best, as well.


	11. Jean-Eric Vergne's Racing Driver- Jev

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place shortly after the Grand Tour Broadcast(November 2016) During the Refugee winter.

**Milk Run**

**Grocery store in Berlin- 2017**

  
  


[Just go in,] Jean-Eric urged, [You know what they look like.  You’ll get back,] He touched 3 fingers on his left hand, [Of the coins with first place on the outside and second place in the middle.]

Jev grimaced and shook his head.

[If the man notices you are a Stig, show him the paper I have written on, but do not hand it to him.]

[What if he tries to put a lead stick on me and take me away?]

He felt Jean-Eric fighting down his sense of sadness that this was still something Jev was so afraid of.  

Jev hadn’t had time to adapt to the idea of humans seeing him.  They’d only been away from the stable for a few weeks, and one of the most striking differences when Redbull had sold them to Ferrari had been the herd’s infectious terror of outside humans.  It had worked it’s way into his opinions, and it was going to be hard to lever it back out. 

Jean-Eric stroked Jev’s back and thought calm things until Jev’s nerves calmed down.

[Remember the videos we watched, where Oz and Dan are out where they can be seen?  No one tries to hurt them. They are all very happy to meet the Redbull Stigs. I know Oz is more afraid of humans than you are.  So you can be brave for me and go into this store?] Jean-Eric used syrup signs.

Jev snorted and pushed his hand away.  [You do not have to speak to me like a foal, Jean-Eric.] He turned and looked out the car window at the market window.  It had cabbages and rutabagas displayed under a big hand made banner of coloured paper. He squeezed his match’s hand and pulled his hood up over his head, then practically dove out of the passenger side door.

He crossed the sidewalk and pushed open the glass door.

The smell of rich spices and foods hit his nose.  He inhaled deeply. He could smell a lot of the foods Jean-Eric had been teaching him to eat.  Sausages and potatoes with mustard and meatballs spiced with lemon. There were shelves lining every wall, filled with boxes, and bins filled with vegetables and fruits.  Jean-Eric always rushed in and out when they came here.

There was no sign of the man who stood at the counter, so Jev ducked down an aisle to look at a box he had wanted to look at, but he’d always stuck close to Jean-Eric’s side, and Jean-Eric never came down this aisle.

There was a picture on the box of delicious cookies.

He picked up the box.  If there were not enough coins after he bought the milk, he would pretend he had made a mistake.

He went to the cooler.  A wonderful cupboard, big enough to sleep in, if only it didn’t have a glass door, and full of chilled air.  He took two cartons of milk off the shelf and went to the pay station.

The man was there, now.  He smiled and made some noises.  They sounded like they could be friendly.  They weren’t as loud or harsh as the noises the handlers made when they yelled and punished good Racing Drivers.

Jev set the milk down closest to the man and then set the cookie box down a little way away, keeping his hand on it.  He put the money down on the counter. 

The man pointed at the cookie box.

Jev pointed at the milk.

The man nodded and took the money and gave him the coins.  Jev checked them with a quick look to make sure they were right.  He left them on the counter and picked up the milk in his left hand.  He moved the cookie box forward. He made a question face, like Jean-Eric did to show he wanted to know something.

The man pointed to the coins and to the box.  He then pointed at the box where the money went.

He nodded.

The man put the coins in the money box and pushed the cookie box towards Jev.  Jev let out a huge sigh of relief.

The man looked startled by the mechanical noise.

Jev grabbed up the box and went outside.

He was practically humming with victory.

He had gone in and gotten the milk, AND he had gotten cookies, too.

Jean-Eric probably would not let him eat too many cookies, but they could share them with Jaime, too.  He got in the car.

[Why are you so happy?] Jean-Eric asked.

Jev tucked the milk by his feet and handed the cookie box to Jean-Eric.

[Did you buy this?  Where are the coins?]

Jev pointed at the box.  [The man took the coins and gave us cookies!]

Mirth welled through his connection with Jean-Eric.  [You wanted some cookies.]

What was so funny?

Jean-Eric opened the box and pulled out some paper bags.  He opened one. It was full of white powder.

Jev’s eyebrows came together.  He looked in the box. [There are no cookies in this!]

[No, buddy, you bought a box of,] Jean-Eric pictured a bowl and lots of different powders being poured into it, then mixed with water.  Then going into a machine that made the mixture very hot.

He hugged Jev.

[Come on,] He got out of the car.  [We will go back in and buy some real cookies.]

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment.
> 
> If you are having a hard time thinking what to say, please consider the following (feel free to leave your letter of choice.)
> 
> A) I like this  
> B) This is awesome  
> C) What will happen next?  
> D) I didn't think this was interesting.
> 
> Real People don't belong to me.
> 
> This story is fiction and is no reflection on anyone in it. The story does belong to me, as does the AU in which it is set.


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